Blue Line
by Predominantly Normal
Summary: In order to get revenge for Kenny's insatiable libido, Kyle pretends to be pregnant. Which turns out to be a very good idea. [K2] No M-Preg.
1. Blue Lines

**I DO NOT OWN SOUTH PARK**

**I have a problem with stacking stories, so I have no idea why I am choosing to write this now... Review if you want to. I'd like it.**

* * *

Kyle rubbed his ass, which was still sore from the night prior. He sat on his chair awkwardly, trying to adjust his position so that he didn't ache so badly. The redhead sipped his coffee tentatively, frowning when he realized he'd have to go the rest of the day limping around like a broken horse. Or, on a more technical level, like a gay guy who's boyfriend was insatiable.

Sure, Kyle loved Kenny. They'd even moved in together after going out in Highschool. Kenny was funny and charming and a nice guy, but there was one thing Kyle couldn't get over. Kenny was addicted to sex. He was insatiable, and his libido never seemed to falter. Kyle theorized that it was probably fine and dandy when you were topping, but _he'd_ have to walk around all day with an awkward gait.

Maybe if Kenny got a taste of his own medicine, he'd finally learn a lesson or two. But perhaps maybe it shouldn't be sex that Kyle would use to get his boyfriend to stop. That'd just be egging him on. Maybe something like abstinence. Refraining from the sweat and body fluids and the daily cleaning of their bed sheets. Perhaps something that forced Kenny to halt from what he wanted to do most would be better.

Kyle really was never good at scheming. He usually left that to Cartman. He wasn't the best with the lying, or the deceiving or the plotting and planning in general. But he had a plan. Not the best one at all, no. Hardly believable. But maybe if he played it right, just maybe.

The soft thumping noise of Kenny's decent down the stairs alerted Kyle. The blonde yawned and poured himself a cup of the coffee brew. Kyle grinned sheepishly at his boyfriend, watching as he poured the drink into a mug. Kenny had grown, with almost chiseled features and sandy blonde hair. Crystal blue eyes drifted to Kyle's hunched posture, and a sly smile spread across Kenny's face.

"Hey, maybe me and you could do something good before you gotta go off?" Kenny proposed cheekily, leaning inwards to rest his calloused hand on Kyle's thigh.

Kyle shivered when he felt the blonde's large hand move upward. He suppressed a hum of satisfaction and pushed his lover's hand away.

"Hm?" Kenny looked a bit confused, maybe at the prospect of being rejected a quick fuck. "Is there something wrong, babe?" He asked.

"Ah- I'm not exactly sure how to say this, Ken.." Kyle murmured, looking down and flushing a crimson red. He felt Kenny's hand caress his back soothingly.

"C'mon, Kyle." Kenny said sweetly. "Whatever it is, I'm sure I won't mind." He said that last part rather warmly, as if he was preparing for some awful news of Kyle cheating or something. Which would never happen, of course.

"Jesus, Ken." Kyle frowned. "I'm sort of... Pregnant." He finished with a heavy sigh.

"What?" Kenny seemed incredulous, but due to living in South Park wasn't completely brushing off the possibility. "You can't be pregnant; you're a dude!" Kenny added almost too quickly.

Kyle paused for a second, listening briefly to the silence of their home. After a while he spoke up, voice clear. "Well, I was always a little effeminate." He reasoned. "And lots of people say I strongly resemble a chick." He added with some distaste.

"Yeah, I know. But you can't be _pregnant_." Kenny shot back.

"Well, I am." Kyle replied just as quickly. His green eyes shone with indigence, and he ran a hand through his hair. "And you're gonna take me to the doctor after my classes."

"Wait, how do you even know you're... You know..." Kenny asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I had some weird cravings for pasta at Stan's house a few days ago, and everyone was joking around that I was pregnant, right?" Kyle began, snickering to himself at the believable yet absurd lie. "So, y'know Stan told me I should take a pregnancy test. Wendy had a bunch of those things."

Kenny dryly chuckled a little bit, still nervously fidgeting. Kyle thought it was profound that Kenny believed something like this. Then he remembered that they did live in South Park, after all.

"Lo and behold, blue line." Kyle finished.

"What?"

"You know, the blue line. It means positive." Kyle expounded, waving his arms around slightly. He then smiled warmly. "Aren't you happy, Ken? We're gonna be parents." He said, voice sickly sweet.

"I... I need some alcohol." Kenny muttered, exasperated. "Like, _now_."


	2. Twenty-a-Plenty

**VIVA LA UNABASHED CRACK! **

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Kenny was prepared for almost anything. He had about one-hundred excuses for late or missing homework, and a hundred more for tests that went unstudied. If he was lucky, the excuse might actually work. Yes, the blonde haired man was quite the king of being ready. Damn, one could even argue he was more ready than Spongebob on a work day. Nothing fazed Kenneth McCormick because he was ready for everything.

But _this_. This was on a whole different playing field.

Kenny had gone through the day most unusually frazzled. He just nodded to his professors when asked where his notes were, managed to run into everyone in the campus halls, and didn't even eat. Kenny got free lunches due to his poor background and lack of a steady job. Kenny never lets free food past him.

In fact, he hadn't even noticed the transition between collage classes and his beat-up red pickup. Or the transition from that to the hospital.

"You aren't _really_ pregnant, right?" Kenny asked awkwardly, shifting his keys in his pocket absentmindedly. He'd even forgotten to get some beer along the way to ease the anxiety.

"I'm almost 99.9% I am." Kyle said proudly, patting his slightly chubbier stomach. It was really only a bit heavier due to him eating an awful lot during lunch. But Kenny didn't know that.

"Going into specifics, are we?" Kenny asked skeptically, opening the door for his 'pregnant' boyfriend.

"Always." Kyle replied shortly.

Emerald eyes scanned the small waiting room, viewing the actual ill people. Park county always did have an awful lot of casualties that needed medical attention. However, for the life of him, he couldn't even begin to wonder why. He signed his name on the check-in sheet and sat down. The chairs were uncomfortable little plastic things, that wobbled when you moved.

"Ken?"

"Yes?" Kenny immediately turned to Kyle. He was peculiarly high-strung today.

"Can you go buy me some fruit snacks from the vending machine?" Kyle asked sweetly, smiling his most innocent smile.

"Sure." Kenny said, standing up and walking off.

And while Kenny was struggling with the problem of exact change (like hell that machine would take his whole dollar), Kyle was called into the medical room. The Jew sat patiently on the medical bed as the doctor walked in. He was a stringy guy who had curly black hair and thick glasses. He sat on the doctor's trademark rolling chair and cleared his throat.

"Kyle, is it?" He asked.

"Yes sir."

"And you are suffering from...?" He paused to eye the young man. Kyle was healthy as a horse, as far as he could see. His skin was a healthy milk color dotted with freckles, and his eyes lacked the dullness that a sick person possessed.

"Pregnancy." Kyle said calmly.

"I'm sorry sir, but I _know_ men don't have the required reproductive organs needed to have children. Please kindly leave." The doctor snapped, unbelieving. Only yesterday did he get a very fat man who had claimed he jumped off the roof of his house trying to acquire psychic abilities. He had a degree! He would fucking know if men could be pregnant.

"No, you don't understand." Kyle stretched it out, talking as he would to a toddler. "I'm pregnant." Kyle pulled out a small pile of crumpled up twenties from his pocket. They equalled exactly one hundred and forty dollars.

"I... I see." The doctor gulped, accepting the large sum of cash and scrawling something down. "Well, Kyle, I'm sure you'd make a great... Father." He said oddly, opening the door slightly. He led Kyle out into the waiting room, wearing his best false smile.

A man in an orange parka jolted up to greet them, gnawing on his bottom lip anxiously. "Well?" He asked impatiently.

"Congratulations, sir." The doctor voiced flatly. "You've got a baby on board."

And at this, Kenny had decided on it. Someone was gonna get positively wasted tonight. And that someone would obviously be him.


	3. Lack Of The Archive

**I** **DON'T OWN SOUTH PARK**

**Wow, look at this crack! I'm sorry I won't be updating anything for a while; school mixed with ponies mixed with my general laziness equals slow writing. Anyhow, who's totally excited for the new 17th season of South Park! Woot!**

* * *

Kenny didn't even get to drink so much as a Heineken. Kyle had told him that drinking would be 'a bad influence on the baby'. The redhead even signed him up for the AA! Seriously! If Kenny couldn't get sex or beer, than what was he?

He was _miserable_. Kyle seemed peachy though, flickering through the channels of their television. He settled on Sex in the City, a chick flick. Even Kyle knew it was an awful show; but getting back at Kenny was worth it.

"Kyle, do we _really_ need to watch this?" Kenny groaned agitatedly, stretching out the words. His blue eyes darted to the jade ones of Kyle.

"Mmm." The 'pregnant' boy nodded dumbly. He felt his stomach and smiled, wondering how he'd keep up the weight. Slowly, he tipped over to lean on his boyfriend's shoulder.

* * *

It was probably three in the morning when Kenny was jostled awake by Kyle. The fiery boy's green eyes glinted as he glared at Kenny. Kenny smirked; those were Kyle's sex eyes if he didn't know better. Maybe he would get lucky.

"Ken, I need Chinese food." Kyle snapped, tossing the blonde on a one-eighty. Apparently Kyle's lust was reserved for takeout now.

"Babe, it's closed. What time is it?" Kenny muttered groggily, blinking the sleep from his eyes.

"Three A.M. It just opened." Kyle replied hastily.

"Can I do it in the morning?" Kenny asked softly, trying to curl back up on the couch. He was violently ripped from the fabric and now face to face with an angry Kyle.

"Now." Kyle hissed.

Kenny, afraid he might literally die if he stayed a second sooner, raced out the door and into the cold. The closest Chinese place was only a block away, within walking distance. City Wok was better and cheaper, but the other place would get Kenny into his bed faster. The blonde raced around the block and barged into the shop waywardly.

"Can I get some of that shit right there?" He asked madly, pointing to a basin filled with Lo Mien. The man running the shop nodded and fished out a takeout box, filling it to the top with Asian cuisine.

"Four dollars." He demanded sharply, hand outstretched.

Kenny fished in his pocket before pulling out the desired amount and let the cashier snatch it out of his hands. He simultaneously grabbed the takeout box and raced back out into the cold to his apartment flat.

Kyle was settled on the chair waiting patiently, hands folded together. He held out his palms like a greedy child as Kenny gave him the damn noodles. Kyle dug into his food wildly, jaws clamping and swallowing the food. When he finished, he still seemed unimpressed, albeit a little more satisfied.

"Hey Ken?" Kyle asked sweetly, resting the box on the floor below.

"Yes." Groaned the blonde mess.

"Next time, get _Chinese_ food. That was Japanese."


End file.
